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A blog entry on the Huffington Post by Bob Cesca --

Thursday night, Republicans in Iowa will gather in various caucus locations to choose the candidate who will do the best job of scaring the fucking shit out of America.

Months ago, the most overzelaous fearmonger of the group, Rudy Giuliani, pulled out of Iowa and the resulting vacuum sucked Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney into the shared role of scaring the fucking shit out of Iowa. Since then, both have proved to be equally qualified in this regard.

Additionally, with the exception of 1980 and 1988, the Iowa Caucus has correctly chosen the eventual Republican nominee. It's also worth noting that the Iowa Republicans have elevated some serious wackaloons and hoopleheads into the top three.

Pat Robertson leg-pressed his way to second in the 1988 Iowa Caucus. In 1996, Pat Buchanan narrowly missed victory by three percentage points. Three points. This demands restating: Pat Buchanan achieved second place in Iowa and, in the view of Republican caucus-goers, was only three points less qualified to be president than Senator Bob Dole. In the 2000 caucus, Iowa Republicans thought John McCain was less qualified to be president than Alan Keyes who placed third. Senator McCain placed a distant fifth.

So not only do Iowa Republicans have a flair for choosing the presumptive nominee, they also possess an uninterrupted predilection for championing crazy people who use fear to better their political chances.

It's a lot of pressure. It's a matter of life or death -- and it all comes down to Thursday night. Huckabee or Romney. Who's crazier, Iowa?

(Read the whole thing here.)


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 3rd, 2008 06:33 pm (UTC)
Huckabee. 'Cuz Romney only spews the fear-inducting shit because he and his advisers believe it will work for him in the long run, whereas Huckabee truly believes in everything he is spewing. =/
Jan. 3rd, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC)
For years and years I've been wondering how this election would play out. The closer we get to November, the more I feel like the Republican's chances are getting slimmer and slimmer. And then I realize that if they're not, I'll end up with Romney for President. Romney is a lot more transparent than Bush was, I think, so I feel like that will work against him -- everyone already knows how crazy he is -- but I think I'm probably just underestimating how crazy the average middle American is.

Sigh. It's all just depressing.

I'd have to agree that the most fundamental liberty is the right to life... but the quality of life is kinda important. Just a little.
Jan. 3rd, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC)
Yeah, this is scaring the fucking shit out of ME. I woke up feeling like forty miles of rough road and yet the first thing I obsess over is what's going to happen in Iowa tonight. =/

The times I need a cigarette...

Jan. 4th, 2008 01:48 pm (UTC)
This actually makes last night's results quite a bit less disturbing. How scary is THAT?
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )